13 Best Football Nicknames Of All Time

Neil Warnock’s surprise return as Crystal Palace manager hasn’t really impressed Eagles fans.

They’ve taken to internet message boards to voice their displeasure, usually referring to their new boss as “Colin W@nker”, his rather wonderful nickname which is an anagram of his real name.

We take a look at some other impressive footballing nicknames:

Kiki Musampa
The Congolese-born player had plenty of presence on Manchester City’s left-wing so Yule not be surprised to hear he was dubbed “Chris” by team-mates.

Fitz Hall
The classic football nickname, Fitz Hall was brilliantly nicknamed “One Size” by Oldham Athletic fans.

Carlton Cole
A rather cruel but probably fitting nickname considering his limited talents, the West Ham striker gained the moniker “Can’t Control” during a disappointing loan spell at Aston Villa.

Bernt Haas
The Swiss defender probably didn’t incur any ridicule for his name until he moved to England to play for Sunderland and West Brom. He was quickly dubbed “Vindaloo” by fans and team-mates, after the effects of a particularly spicy curry.

Massimo Taibi
Despite being born in Palermo rather than Venice, the keeper was quickly dubbed “The Blind Venetian” by English tabloids after a disastrous, but short-lived, spell at Manchester United.

Gilles de Bilde
The Belgian striker plyed his trade for Sheffield Wednesday in the late 90s, around the same time the popularity of a certain cartoon builder was at its peak. He was obviously nicknamed ”Bob” as his new club struggled against relegation in his first season. Could he fix it for the Owls? No, he couldn’t.

Neil Pointon
Another great pun, the former Everton and Manchester City defender enjoyed a successful journeyman career, but was still affectionately known as “Dissa” throughout his time in football.

David N’Gog
Slightly tenuous but the former Liverpool striker was nicknamed “Wash” by shampoo-loving team-mates on account of his surname.

Duncan Ferguson
The Scottish striker had always been simply known as Big Dunc until a series of off-field misdemeanours earned him the sobriquet “Duncan Disorderly”.

Justin Edinburgh
Many geographically-challenged fans would be left scratching their heads at Justin Edinburgh’s “Musselburgh” nickname. However lying six miles east of the Scottish capital’s city centre, Musselburgh is of course just in Edinburgh.

Alfred N’Diaye
The Senegalese midfielder not only inspired one of the great football chants – “N’Diaye, will always love you…” to the tune of Whitney Houston’s biggest hit – but also one of the great nicknames in “Curl Up” N’Diaye.

Antonio Luna
The Spanish defender had only joined Aston Villa before he was nicknamed “Tony Moon”, the literal translation of his name, by Villa fans. Similarly, Laurent Blanc was widely-known as Larry White during his time at Manchester United.

Dai Young
Ok, this is a rugby one but it was too good to omit. I once stumbled across a TV interview with a Welsh rugby coach called Dai Young and would have been terribly disappointed if he hadn’t been nicknamed “Live Fast”. A quick Google and my faith in the wit of the Welsh rugby fraternity had been confirmed.