Magic, Baby, Magic: Eamon Dunphy’s Best Quotes

Our new football pundit Eamon Dunphy has never been afraid to speak his mind, often sprinkled with his characteristic humour. Here’s some of his best quotes.

“I’ll have you know that I am not a failed Third Division footballer. I am a failed Second Division footballer.” – Dunphy responds to criticism of his professional football career.

“Kilbane’s head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg.” – Dunphy suggests the introduction of genetic engineering into football.

“He’s fat and a clown, Bill, a fat clown for all to see.” – Dunphy wasn’t a big fan of former Liverpool and Leeds United winger Harry Kewell, but did find him funny.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen sex between two men on the BBC.” – Dunphy has never been a fan of the sycophancy shown by UK pundits, commenting here after a BBC interview between Gareth Crooks and Sven Goran Eriksson.

“He’s like Paul McShane on steroids” – Dunphy makes the first ever comparison between Hull City’s Paul McShane and the highly-decorated World Cup-winner Sergio Ramos.

“Would you let him drive the train to Cork?” – Dunphy questions Steve Staunton’s managerial capabilities, although based on the Ireland squad he worked with Stan was used to carrying passengers.

“When the national anthem was being played, no Spanish players sang it” – Dunphy unaware that the Spanish anthem contains no actual words.

“There it is, Bill, it’s hitting his head there. And that’s bad news for Rudi Voller and even worse news for his hairdresser!”. – Dunphy shows his caring side, after Frank Rijkaard’s infamous spit at the German striker Voller.

““A puffball…Will never be a player as long as he has a hole in his arse.” – Dunphy has since admitted he was wrong in his appraisal of Cristiano Ronaldo earlier in his career.

“That is not the arse of a seven million pound player.” – Dunphy circles John Hartson’s behind on-screen to highlight the big-money signing’s major deficiency

“If they get to the quarter-finals, I will show up with a dress on” – Dunphy was rightly dismissive of England’s potential at this summer’s World Cup. Gladly for Irish TV viewers, they went out at the group stage.

“It was like two drunks in a back alley throwing punches at each other.” – Dunphy stressing the excitement but amateurishness of a 4:4 draw between Liverpool and Chelsea.

“Not a great player” – Dunphy’s uttered this about the likes of Michel Platini, Diego Maradona and Zinedine Zidane.

The banter between him and his fellow panelists has often produced some of his best quips.

Eamon: “Ronaldinho had two great seasons, Bill, he was world footballer of the year and he won the Champions League for Barcelona. And then he went to the party.”

John Giles: “He’s still at the party, Bill”

Bill O’Herlihy : “It must have been one of Eamon’s Parties!”
His RTE colleagues have a bit of craic about Dunphy’s sociable lifestyle.

Eamon “John will know more about this than me…but the late Jimmy Armfield came in & did a wonderful job…”

John Giles: “Sorry there Eamon but Jimmy’s still alive”

Eamon: “I told you John knew more about it than me”