Brendan Rodgers Forgets To Use Word “Outstanding” In Interview


Brendan Rodgers stunned reporters at a press conference this morning by failing to utter the word “outstanding” once during the ten-minute briefing.

However, it is believed the Liverpool boss merely forgot to use the superlative in relation to one of his players, rather than omit the term on purpose.

It comes just a day after he hailed the underused Adam Lallana as “outstanding”, and he has used the same adjective in the past fortnight in relation to Raheem Sterling, Simon Mignolet, Philippe Coutinho, Daniel Sturridge, Diego Costa, James Milner, Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk” and Eastenders’ “Who Killed Lucy?” plotline.

Reporters were braced for yet another utterance but Rodgers merely said that he “felt sorry for the Sky Sports reporter out standing in the rain at our training ground” on deadline day.

It is believed the Reds boss will hastily convene another press conference this afternoon, ahead of their FA Cup replay with Bolton, to make amends for his earlier error.

It is rumoured he’ll deem the Trotters’ transfer policy as “outstanding” following the signings of Emile Heskey and Eidur Gudjohnsen, with Bolton’s scouting department recently replaced with a copy of FIFA 03.

Ten-Week Old Baby Has Never Seen The Sea, A Cow Or An Aston Villa Goal


It has been revealed that a ten-week-old Birmingham baby has yet to witness items such as the sea, a cow or an Aston Villa goal during his life so far.

Jack Wilson was born in Birmingham Women’s Hospital on December 20th, just minutes after Christian Benteke scored Villa’s last league goal – against Manchester United.

Since then Paul Lambert’s side have gone over 10 hours without a league goal. Rather than watch their pitiful side, Villa fans could have spent a similar amount of time orbitting the earth almost seven times, flown from Birmingham to Brazil or watched the uncut version of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

In some countries the club are now known as “Aston Villa Nil” due to their lack of prowess in front of goal.

Wilson’s parents plan to bring the tot to a city farm and the beach during the summer, but it’s increasingly apparently he’ll have to wait a bit longer to witness a goal from the likes of Gabriel Agbonlahor or Andreas Weimann.

Andy Kellett Due An England Call-Up Any Day Now


Following his deadline day loan move to Manchester United, 21-year-old Andy Kellett is bracing himself for an inevitable call-up to the England squad by Roy Hodgson.

Despite being at United two days now, the defender still hasn’t received international recognition.

Statistics from have revealed that Kellett was the worst player in the Championship so far this season. However, that will not deter Hodgson as the fact he is at Old Trafford immediately means he must be given an international cap.

Chris Smalling played for Maidstone United and Fulham before moving to United, where he immediately won his first cap. Phil Jones was at Blackburn Rovers for nine years before moving to United, where he immediately won his first cap. Tom Cleverly made almost 100 appearances on loan at Leicester City, Watford and Wigan before getting his first-team chance at United, where he immediately won his first cap.

Hodgson became a figure of derision recently when it was revealed he voted for Javier Mascherano for the Ballon d’Or, and was the one voting to keep Stevi Ritchie in last year’s X Factor.