Falcao Spends Morning Cleaning James Wilson’s Boots

Falcao’s place in Louis van Gaal’s pecking order has been underlined after the on-loan Colombian striker spent the morning cleaning James Wilson’s boots at Manchester United’s Carrington complex.

Based on his weekly wage of £265,000, it is thought the former Atletico Madrid striker earned around twenty grand – or ten thousand pounds per boot – for his morning’s work.

Van Gaal recently insisted the hitman “prove himself” at the club and it is hoped that Wilson’s now pristine Adidas F50 Adizeros will go some way to showing that the Colombian has a future at United.

He was recently omitted from the bench against Southampton in favour of Wilson, three central defenders and a cardboard cut-out of Bebe.

It was rumoured that Falcao didn’t stay to watch the match out of frustration but it transpires he spent the afternoon putting up shelves in Ed Woodward’s office.

Falcao, who’s scored 0.58 goals per game throughout his career, has been kept out of the United side by the likes of Wayne Rooney and Robin van Persie – both with 0.46 goals per game – and Wilson, whose record is 0.27.

Falcao was unavailable to comment, as he was busy serving pasta to Chris Smalling and Phil Jones in United’s canteen.

50% Of Football Fans Now See Robbie Savage More Often Than Own Family

A shocking new study has reveled that roughly half of British and Irish football fans now spend more time with Robbie Savage than their own partners and children.

The ubiquitous pundit somehow seems to pop up at every televised football match despite having no discernible qualities for a punditry role. The BBC/BT Sport/every other station co-commentator has already covered more games as a pundit than he actually played in.

Savage was most recently the target of abusive language by Stoke City fans, as he co-commentated on their FA Cup tie with Rochdale. The station apologised for “anything offensive being picked up on the microphone” yet Savage was allowed to continue waffle and state the bleedin’ obvious for the remainder of the match.

Some fans, fed up of his omnipresence on our screens, had taken to the radio to avoid him entirely only to be confronted by his dulcet tones on shows such as 606 Live. There is no escape.

During his TV career, the Welshman also finished sixth in Strictly Come Dancing, his best ever finishing position in a competition of note.

Liverpool Fan Ready To Downgrade Forecast To “Might Be Our Year”

Liverpool fan Aidan Morris, 35, has conceded that his optimistic August forecast that it was “going to be their year” may have to be re-evaluated.

His change of heart comes after Brendan Rodgers’ club languish in 8th place in the Premier League, and having been knocked out of the Champions League at the group stage.

Morris has admitted to close friends that the Capital One Cup, which Rodgers’ predecessor Kenny Dalglish won before being sacked, remains his beloved club’s only realistic hope of silverware.

It’s not the first time Morris’ faith in Liverpool has been tested, having shelled out £9.99 on a market stall for a “Liverpool League Champions” t-shirt last April on the morning of their 3-3 draw with Crystal Palace. Sadly, he didn’t get a receipt.

He has also begun investigating changing his “Stevie G – Pool Til He Dies” tattoo to “Stevie G – Pool Til He Flies To LA”.

A source close to Morris revealed that it’s not the first time he’s had to lower his expectations. “It’s probably about the 25th time since 1990 that, despite his early faith, it’s turned out not to be their year”.