Statue of Arsene Wenger Holding Head In Hands To Be Unveiled At Emirates

Arsenal have announced that they plan to unveil a statue of Arsene Wenger with his head in his hands to commemorate his last few years at the club.

The news comes after the Gunners’ latest Last 16 capitulation in the Champions League, this time to Monaco.

A club spokesman commented, “We feel it’s a fitting tribute to the man, as it’s the pose fans are most accustomed to seeing him in. Indeed, it’s no surprise he does not see so many incidents, with his hands obscuring his face”.

The tribute will be the latest in a long line of statues at the club, which include Herbert Chapman, Tony Adams & Thierry Henry outside the Emirates and Per Mertesacker and Laurent Koscielny in defence.

Chelsea Kit To Come Equipped With Cape Next Season

Following Madonna’s tumble at last night’s Brit Awards, Chelsea’s kit manufacturer Adidas have confirmed that the club have requested capes be attached to their shirts next season.

Despite Jose Mourinho’s rants, stats reveal that his side are the biggest divers in the Premier League this season – with the likes of Diego Costa, Willian, Branislav Ivanovic, Gary Cahill and Cesc Fabregas all accused of simulation.

It is thought that the introduction of capes will negate any doubt in referee’s minds when their players go to ground too easily.

Adidas are in talks with Madonna’s designer Armani to ensure the merest tug will result in a spectacular tumble.

It is believed other clubs are interested in following Chelsea’s lead, although players will be banned from swapping capes at half-time and will face a booking should they remove the garment when celebrating a goal.

Premier League Referees To Wear Blindfolds To Improve Performance

Mike Riley, current boss of Professional Game Match Officials Limited, has confirmed that Premier League referees will trial wearing blindfolds in a last-ditch attempt to improve their performances.

Following criticism from former referees that current officials are the “worse we’ve ever seen” and a string of recent controversial decisions, it is felt that the introduction of blindfolds cannot make the standard of officiating any worse.

With Martin Atkinson confirming he’d seen Ashley Barnes’ horror tackle on Nemanja Matic but took no action, he will now have to rely on his other four senses when he returns from being dropped from refereeing duties this weekend.

FIFA are behind the new initiative as it’s cheaper than video replays and managers have welcomed it’s introduction, stating the pot luck involved in decision-making should be an improvement on referees’ current full-sighted judgements.

However, Arsene Wenger has taken steps to patent his “I did not see the incident” catchphrase, fearing it may be gather widespread adoption amongst match officials.