Unknown Female Linked With FIFA Presidency

A hitherto unknown Swiss woman, Caitlyn Rettalb, has been surprisingly linked with the role of FIFA President following Sepp Blatter’s resignation.

Blatter shocked the football world yesterday by announcing he was resigning, although there are fears he may have meant he was re-signing.

The FBI, whose head is paid less than the FAI’s, are now said to be closing in on Blatter who hasn’t been seen since Caitlyn’s emergence.

Other favourites to succeed Blatter and help clean up FIFA corruption are Michel Platini – who voted for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar and whose son subsequently landed the role of chief executive of Qatar-owned sports company– and Prince Ali Al-Hussein from the footballing hotbed of Jordan.

Ex-footballer David Ginola has also been linked although Spurs fans are said to be shocked at the prospect of the Frenchman running for anything.

The FA Chairman Greg Dyke had previously threatened that England may not turn up at future World Cups, which is also what happened in South Africa 2010 and Brazil 2014.

The FIFA crooks already arrested have been threatened with prison, although a more fitting punishment may be for them to complete the construction of Qatar stadia.

Meanwhile, a whip-round for Blatter from his colleagues in FIFA HQ has already raised $4.5 million, a Caribbean island and an anonymous message on his leaving card stating “All the best, hope you cleared your internet history! lol”.