Alternative Rulers Of Westeros

It’s almost time for the final season of Game Of Thrones to begin so we’ve looked at some alternative potential rulers of Westeros and how they would get on in the battle against the White Walkers.

Louis Van Gaal
Who wouldn’t want to see Louis Van Gaal sitting on the Iron Throne directing the armies of Westeros into battle against the Night King?

‘Louis Van Gaal’s Army’ would be the most organised and toughest to break down in all the realms.

While they would no doubt be defensively sound, they might have trouble breaking down the opposition. Passing their weapons from side to side waiting for an opening that never arrives while he stays rooted to his throne taking copious notes.

Cersei has the Mountain but Louis has Fellaini.

John Delaney
We wanted to look at John Delaney’s time as CEO of Westeros but under advice from legal counsel we are precluded from discussing anything relating to his time of rule. We are not allowed to discuss the loan of 100,000 men he sent to forces at Winterfell.

Arsene Wenger
If Arsene Wenger became the Ruler of Westeros we all know what would happen.

Going into each battle you would know that they would fight really stylishly and against the smaller armies they would win convincingly.

But as soon as they were in an important battle, as soon as they came up against quality opposition they would collapse. The best bit of Arsene Wenger ruling Westeros would be Westeros Fan TV.

“The Night King is coming Robbie and he’s doing nothing!”

“I’m sick of it fam. He’s known these dead people have been coming for 7 seasons blud. He’s done nothing fam. He’s still sending Iwobi out there fam. How’s he going to stop them?”


Sam Allardyce
In many ways the Westeros job might be Big Sam’s ideal job.

No one will question his direct playing style as long as it gets results and at this stage results are all that matters. It’s a life or death relegation battle and there’s no media to constantly have a go at him or catch him in a sting operation.

He can be as direct as he wants, he can launch attacks from well within his own half, in fact it’s much safer for everyone that way.

There is an endless supply of wine. Tyrion is similar in stature to Sammy Lee so he has a ready-made ‘little Sam’ assistant. He would love to eliminate Johnny ‘White-Walker’ Foreigner completely and get things back to the way they used to be.

Donald Trump

“We’re going to build a bigger, dragon proof wall and the White Walkers are going to pay for it”

Jose Mourinho
Having Jose Mourinho as Ruler of Westeros would be a lot like having Little Finger as Ruler.

Both can be charming but neither of them can be trusted. Their loyalty is only to themselves and they will blame absolutely everyone else before taking the blame themselves.

The main difference is that Little Finger is dead whereas it’s just Jose Mourinho’s career that’s dead. But at least Jose’s accent is consistent.

Jose could be at a disadvantage because of a lack of buses or any motor vehicles in Westeros so he would need to improvise.