How To Make FIFA 15 Even Better!

Every year when FIFA is released, EA Sports are quick to point out their pride at the realism of the latest version of the game.

But how could it be more realistic? Here’s some suggestions to improve the game’s realism for the 2016 version.

It’s called FIFA. Why not be able to play in career mode as Sepp Blatter? Suggested features include the ability to be offered bungs by unsuitable nations to host World Cups, the inability to be sacked no matter what shitstorm you’ve created and settling any in-game racism with a virtual handshake.

Pre-Match Analysis
Challenged your mate to a game online? Why not spend an hour beforehand listening to what the likes of Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher think of your chances. “He’s confident enough to come to this sofa and believe he can win this”, “I disagree Gary, this Ken lad has had a few more cans and has to get up for work in the morning, I think he could be beaten. I mean you look at Liverpool….”

No Need For Some Leagues
There’s no need to include leagues like America’s MLS and the Indian Super League. Simply load up FIFA 04 and all these league’s star players will appear.

Introduce Women
As well as introducing women’s football to the franchise, non-playing Wags should be added to make the game more realistic. In last year’s version, I signed John Terry for Wayne Bridge’s Reading and they’d no problem playing together.

Totally unrealistic, and it’d be interesting to see if Wags look so virtual in, err, a virtual world.

As well as pre-match analysis, random tweets should pop up on screen admonishing your efforts with “humourous” memes pointing out how shit you are at FIFA. And if you even think about replying, you’ll be hit with a fine and banned form playing the game for 3 evenings.

Any abuse of the in-game referee could lead to you being sent to the stands (bathroom) for the remainder of the match.

Never Get Sacked
If you want to start a career mode where you’ll never be sacked, simply take over at Newcastle United and sign an 8-year-contract. You can call your opponent (your 10-year-old nephew) “a senile old c**t”, headbutt your TV in frustration and lose every game to your partially sighted neighbor but fear not…it’s a job for life.

Realistic Weather
Climatic conditions can have an effect on real-life players so why not on FIFA? Can you hack it on a wet Tuesday night in Stoke? Simply stand outside in the pissing rain with a Playstation Vita, wondering why you didn’t choose an Italian or Spanish team to play with.

Playing a crucial international match in Qatar? Bring your Vita into the local sauna while wearing a full kit.