Where To Go If Liverpool Win The League
We need to have a serious discussion lads. We’re sure you’re aware that Liverpool are in a decent position to win the league this season so we all need to prepare accordingly.
Obviously if you are a Liverpool fan reading this, please don’t take offence. It’s just going to be unbearable to be around you and everyone like you for the next while so we wanted to give those non Liverpool fans among us some options for where we can move to to avoid the onslaught of ‘banter’ coming our way.
Onymyakon is the coldest inhabited place on earth and has only 500 permanent residents. There’s up to 21 hours of darkness a day and the local cuisine consists of Reindeer meat and frozen fish. Oh and it’s too cold to have indoor plumbing so everyone uses outhouses.
It’s pretty extreme but desperate times call for desperate measures and there’s zero chance any Liverpool fan will follow you there!
If the probability of one of the 500 inhabitants of Oymyakon being a Liverpool fan is too much of a risk for you, you could try Ittoqqortoormiit. There are only 450 people living there and it’s so remote that you’ll need a helicopter to get there.
There is a potential downside though because this part of Greenland welcomes some tourists who want to see the Northern Lights. Which could re-introduce you to the outside world and raises the possibility of hearing ‘Allez, Allez, Allez’ for the one billionth time.
Kerguelen Islands, Antarctic
The Kerguelen Islands are 2000 miles from Africa and are only accessible 4 days a year so if you are 100% certain that doomsday is coming and that Jordan Henderson will be lifting the Premier League trophy in May, then start planning this one now.
The Islands are also known as the Desolation Islands so they’re pretty perfectly named. If you’re not a fan of rain, sleet or snow, be warned because you can expect one of those three for 300 days of the year but because of the lack of access to the Islands you could consider yourself fairly safe from people reminding you that you said Virgil Van Dijk was a giant waste of money.
Torshavn, Faroe Islands
If you want to escape the landslide of slagging and but want to have some human contact you could consider the World’s smallest capital city. Torshavn is the capital of the Faroe Islands and is half way between Norway and Iceland. If you’re Irish be sure to drop Brian Kerr into conversation with the locals.
If you feel like the Desolation Islands or the coldest place on earth are too much to handle and you feel like you need to talk to people you’re in the right place. On their website, Toshavn claim that they’re the type of place where people still have time for each other so if there are any Liverpool fans there they’ll probably be too polite to bring up their seemingly inevitable title win.