Headlines From The Future: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer
Now that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has been confirmed as Manchester United manager we’ve dug out the crystal ball to look into his managerial future and have come up with some possible outcomes for his time at the wheel of the Red Devils.
“I’ve made a huge mistake”
Ed Woodward knew something was wrong, when on the first day after being made permanent, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer turned up for work in flip flops, a stained Stone Roses tshirt and enourmous sunglasses.
Senior figures around Old Trafford were known to have warned Woodward about this potential outcome but he trusted that Solskjaer had United’s best interests at heart.
“Go ask Big Mike” became Ole’s go to phrase as his working day mimicked that of Don Draper from Mad Men. Big Mike Phelan has been under so much stress of late he hasn’t had time to post on social media or buy new shorts.
“Solskjaer revealed to be remote controlled by Fergie”
What came as a shock to everyone, except Liverpool fans, who suspected all along, it was revealed today that the man in charge of Manchester United is not actually Ole Gunnar Solskjaer but a puppet who has been under the control of Sir Alex Ferguson.
In an embarrassing on camera gaff the robotic Solskjaer repeated the phrase “This is Man Utd” to every question asked by reporters.
“At first we didn’t think anything of it because that’s how he’s been answering questions since he got here” one reporter said
“But when we asked him if he had any plans for the weekend and he said ‘This is Man Utd’ we had to ask more.
In a scene not out of place in Scooby Doo, reporters who had noticed Solskjaer was stuck on a ‘This is Man Utd’ loop approached the desk at which the Norwegian was sitting and found Sir Alex Ferguson under the table at Ole’s wheel so to speak.
“Man City to follow Man Utd’s lead and replace Guardiola with club legend: Paul Dickov in the frame”
After winning his 3rd Premier League title in a row, it’s no surprise that other clubs are trying to copy the Man Utd blueprint and their city neighbours are no exception. With Pep Guardiola’s impending departure expected to be confirmed, Man City have begun looking for their own club legend to take the wheel.
Paul Dickov is the early favourite for the job although it’s unclear whether any of the few hundred Man City fans who still show up to the Etihad every week will know who he is. Options are limited though as Yaya Toure has not finished his coaching badges.