Roy Keane’s Next Job?

With news this morning that Roy Keane stepped down from his role as Assistant Manager of Nottingham Forest, we ponder what his next job might be.

He’ll probably spend the next while driving the absolute sh*te out of a Forest club car, but there’ll come a time when he has to plot his next move.

No reason has been given yet for his departure, but he shouldn’t be out of work for long. We’ve chosen professions that shouldn’t be too time-consuming but still keep him busy.

Boyband Tribute Act


Keane displayed a surprising interest in music in his last autobiography, slamming Sunderland players who insisted on playing Abba’s “Dancing Queen” as their pre-match tune.

He was quoted as saying he’s “hardly One Direction” but he’s about the same age as Take That, and with Jason Orange no longer with the band there may be an opening for the likes of Keane to step in.

However, he’s always been his own man so would probably prefer forming a tribute act, perhaps named Take That You C**t, in honour of his infamous taunt at Alf-Inge Haaland.

Dog Walker


Keane’s beloved dog Trigger may have passed away in 2012 but the star’s work with the Irish Guide Dogs for the Blind displays his unrelenting love for canines.

Keane is also obviously fond of going walkies, having deserted the Irish World Cup squad in Saipan and now has left Forest in the lurch. However, his time as Martin O’Neill’s assistant may prove a stumbling block for this new career – as their sides have displayed an inability to hold on to leads.

MMA Fighter


Keane often treated football as a full-contact combat sport so should have no problem adjusting to the striking and grappling techniques of mixed martial arts.

Conor McGregor has proved that a successful MMA fighter requires a huge ego and trademark beard – two characteristics that Keane has cultivated very successfully in the past.

Amateur bouts against the likes of Peter Schmeichel, Patrick Vieira and autograph-hunters will have prepared him well for the transition from NFFC to UFC.

Delivery Man


As a player, Keane certainly put in the miles on the pitch, and the same could be said off-field. He “drove some f**king miles” in his Manchester United club car months after he’d left Old Trafford and has travelled the length and breadth of the UK and Ireland promoting his various autobiographies.

He’d have no problem adjusting to the role of a delivery man, having developed empathy with potential clients throughout his career. Need training kit delivered to a Japanese island? No problem. Need a van-load of prawn sandwiches delivered to a corporate box? No problem. Need a scathing verdict on Sir Alex Ferguson’s time as United delivered bitterly? No problem.



In John Steinbeck’s novel “The Pearl”, the central character is a poor young fisherman called Kino who finds fame and fortune but makes plenty of enemies along the way. He also values loyalty and hard work above anything else. Sound familiar?

The sometimes solitary life of a fisherman would suit Keane down to the ground, battling in a harsh environment for very little reward whilst sporting a bushy-bearded unkempt look. Sort of like his time in management. Although his misfiring players have had difficulty getting anything into a net.